January 2, 2012

I have this friend...

She isn't perfect and lately she has been struggling with an issue that most single people struggle with, being SINGLE. There are moments where she finds herself desiring a relationship even though the Lord has not provided that for her yet.

For the past couple months she has been battling with a new enemy. This enemy was in disguise until she picked up Joshua Harris' book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Reading this book was a journey for her because it addressed some of the issues that she had been struggling with lately. Some of these issues were issues like being "just friends" with guys, purity, impatience, loving her singleness, etc.

This past week she began to share with me about the chapter she'd been reading. She was reading through chapter ten titled "Guard Your Heart." She told me that at first she was reading the chapter like usual but then she put down for a few days to celebrate the new year. On Sunday she went to church and she saw the guy that she had been noticing (aka crushing on). They had met at a church gathering over the summer and they occasionally said hi to each other at church. She had asked a friend about a month after they met if she knew him. Her friend shared with her what she knew and thought about him. My friend heard her friend out and at first she was dissapointed because her friend didn't give her a very good review of this guy. My friend ended up not seeing him for a few weeks which gave her time to "get over" the crush or so she though. Then he came to church. She lit up and became very excited to see him. My friend told me that she basically forgot what her friend had told her when this guy came up to her and said hi. She said that it felt nice and she appreciated the attention he was giving her. My friend told me that at first it was an innocent crush but then she started to think about him more and more. She would day dream about the future and "what could be." When she told me this it sounded ridiculous but i know she's not the only one who does this or struggles with this. Anyway, she continued to share with me that the more she would she him at her church the more she enjoyed his presence. Eventually he became what she looked forward to on Sunday mornings. My friend didn't tell anyone she had these feelings or that she had a "crush" on this guy. After telling me how it started she shared with me what happened this past Sunday. After a couple weeks of not seeing him he came to church that Sunday and said hi to her. Even though she knew it wasn't a big deal when she got home she stated playing that over and over again in her mind. She was dwelling on something that meant absolutely nothing. Then that night she had a dream about him. Oh no here we go...

After having a dream about him she woke up with these feelings that didn't feel right. She woke up and began to pray. She began to evaluate her thoughts and realized what she was doing was totally wrong. She was not listening to her conscience and it was time she did something about this "crush".

My friend did not know this person at all so if this crush was going to continue she thought it would be wise to ask one of her friends who knew this guy better than she did. The txt was taking longer than expected so she picked up the Harris book again to get a little read in. She got to a part in chapter ten about Pollutants. Harris gave three pollutants of the heart based on 1 John 2:15-16 which says "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life is not from the Father but is from the world." The three pollutants that Harris wrote about were infatuation, lust, and self pity. As she began to read about infatuations she became extremely convicted. It seemed as if every word Joshua Harris wrote was about her. He says "You've probably experienced it-the constant thoughts about someone who has caught your eye, the heart palpitations whenever that person walks by, the hours spent dreaming of a future with that special someone. It's infatuation, and i know it well, having experienced it myself!" She could not help but laugh in amazement that this is was HER. As she continued reading she stopped and prayed through her thoughts asking the Lord to forgive her and show her more of her sinful desires. She kept reading but the part that got to her the most was this, Joshua says "In addition to diverting our attention from God, infatuation can cause problems for us because it is most often founded on illusion. When infatuated with someone, we tend to build up that person in our imaginations as the perfect guy or girl. We think we'd be happy forever if that person would return our affections. Of course, we can only sustain our silly crush because we've substituted fantasy for all the information we lack about the person. As soon as we get to know that person's true identity and discover that our "perfect" man or woman is human like everyone else, our dreams fade and we move on to a new crush."

As soon as she finished reading this paragraph her friend txted her back telling her that the boy she was "crushing" on was not a believer and was a ladies man who flirted with every girl he met. She told her that he was bad news and that he was not who she thought she was. She said to me, very embarrassed, that for some reason she already knew that her friend was going to say that. My friend was embarrassed, ashamed, sad, and didn't know what to do at that point. She said she just began to pray and asked the Lord to give her an understanding mind to get over this stupid crush. She was so thankful to her friend because she told her straight up who this guy really was. I admire her for doing what she did because even though the guy she was crushing on turned out to disappoint her, finding out who he really is was better than giving into more temptation and falling in too deep because she was blinded with infatuation.

It's time for me to come clean. This experience isn't about my friend, it's about me. How could someone be so blind, stupid, and do such a thing? I COULD!!! This situation can happen to anyone and that is the reason why i am sharing this with you. It's embarrassing to admit my sinfulness but i am relieved to confess it because it had challenged so much and it is only by God's AMAZING grace that He opened my eyes to this. It's challenged me to guard my heart, cling to the Lord when i am tempted, trust Him alone with my relationships in the future, and run far far away from infatuation, lust, and self-pity. Harris explained later in that chapter that God takes these sins very seriously and i wasn't. My struggle not only challenged me in those areas but also take drastic measures to run away from those three things.

After finishing my first semester of college i realized that the choices i make now are really going to make an impact in my future, especially in the area of relationships. I know myself and the area of boys is a weak area that i want to grow in. Not so i can get married faster or whatever but because i want whatever i do to honor and glorify the Master. The beginning of a new year is a big deal for everyone but i resolve to look at it as 365 new days, if the Lord wills, for me to live pursuing purity for his glory. My faith is simple: Jesus+NOTHING=Everything, it's time i start living it. To God be the GLORY!

{In Christ Alone}